The Impossible Carl vol. 2: “Blue Steel”
Wednesday, September 20th, 2006To refer back to "World Peace", I feel a sense of obligation to report to my online self and ‘imaginary owjens’ that I got the job. Many thanks all around. Naks, acceptance speech.
It’s been such an overwhelming two weeks having to suddenly relocate to Makati and just reset my body clock all over again to follow a more conventional routine. But more than that, after all the congratulatory text messages are inevitably erased, (fade in The Exorcist Theme)… reality rears its ugly head… (you just gotta love that phrase).
Don’t get me wrong, it’s as close to a dream job I’ve gotten, but minor setbacks just can’t be helped. The biggest challenge really is having such a sudden change in the people I work and interact with. It’s such a classic Carl defense mech to mute my personality as my way of being polite to a new crowd. I guess it’s really out of fear that I might come on too strong or that I rub people the wrong way on my first few days. And of course, nothing beats my "Blue Steel" of a poker face. Ah yes, it has pulled me through a lot and has driven away many a casual acquiantance. I am the absolute Master of Deadma, yes siree.
But lest I be accused of unadaptability or rigidity, I know I’ll make a helluva trainer (and colleague) soon enough. (Duts da espirit Carl) All I need is time to warm up my engine. I’m really glad I’ll be handling a class on my own soon. That’ll definitely break my inner ice. Because I know that as soon as you give me a podium or a platform or just a random group of people to look at me ("look at me! look at me!") my inner Billy Joe Crawford circa 1990 will just start marching around in knee high socks.
As usual it’s really just myself scaring myself that I’ll screw up such a good thing.
Of course, I don’t call myself the Impossible Carl for nothing.
